Nothin' Says Christmas Like a Little Ninja

I just wrapped a bunch of stocking stuffers. If you're on my list of recipients, close your eyes while reading the rest of this post. I'm not exactly sure how that will work, but feel free to try it. I went shopping last night with Amy. We went out to Hawthorne to Greg's. This is my new favorite store. Where else are you going to find 1/2 inch ninjas? Really! I know what you're thinking...who needs 1/2 inch ninjas? Every man in my family. That's who.

The best purchase of the evening was by far the "Jesus Rocks" chewing gum for my dad. It's just blasphemous enough to be funny. Anything less would be offensive, like for example the Jesus action figure I had in my hands.

You can also get sushi tape, bacon tape, "I Heart Meat" stickers and buttons. (I held back Ashley)

On another retail related note, Amy says that JoAnn's has all of their Valentine's stuff out already. I think they're screwy.

Wow, you guys must think I do nothing but shop. 'Tis the Season!

Chestnuts Burning in a Fireplace

Funny thing. Burnt chestnuts smell a lot like pot. And peanut butter. But mostly pot.

We all went out on Saturday night for my mom's birthday. It was fabulous. We all (13 of us) went to Stanfords and I ate a TON of food. I was actually a tad sick from overindulgence. That didn't stop me from repeat eating my leftovers the next day, mind you.

When dinner was over, we went back to my parents' house to roast the chestuts that my dad bought for just that very purpose. Upon entering the house, the lights started to dim. It wasn't more than 20 minutes before the power was completely out. We had fires in both fireplaces, candles lit all over the place and 14 (we aquired Molly along the way) of us to keep eachother warm. My dad wasn't going to let a little thing like no power get in the way of the roasting. We loaded up the roasting pan and stuck it in the fireplace. The first batch just wasn't done. The nuts were still really wet and squishy. So...we tried again. No luck. The outside burned and the middle was still squishy in some places and hard as a freakin' rock in others. Then Jon took over. He spent a good 25 minutes in there by himself, perfecting the chestnuts. Didn't go so well...

The lights suddenly came on and everyone could suddenly see. Jon could also see his nuts. (Don't go there) They were completely charred. There was no nut to speak of anymore. Only shells of charcoal. The whole house was visibly filled with smoke. James came in and said, "smells like weed".

So...moral of the story is chestnuts weren't meant to be roasted over an open fire.

Here's to New Traditions!

So my dad is the king of old-fashioned traditions. We all LOVE it and totally live for all the cool things he comes up with. It's awesome!

In the spirit of Christmas tradition, he bought some gingerbread houses for the kids to decorate at his house last night. What a cool idea, right? I mean, what kid doesn't like to stick candy to cookies in the shape of a house. It's like a Kodak moment waiting to happen, right? Wrong.

The adults took over and turned it into the gingerbread house decorating fiasco of the century. There was some serious competition between the girls and the guys. It was a bit reminicient of the "Cartel" vs. the "Women" Life game at the beach this January.

The girls' house looked like your typical pretty gingerbread house.

The guys'.....well check out the picture. They started it off with a giant anarchy symbol on the roof and topped it off with the huge door "knockers" on the front. Somewhere in between there was a "back door" (yes, dirty) with the words "oh oh oh" instead of "ho ho ho". Sick puppies I tell you. It was fabulous.

My dad bought some chestnuts "for the roasting". Let's see what disgusting things we can come up with. Let's make it a Christmas to remember....

'Scuse Me While I Kiss This Guy

If you don't already know what that means, it's from a book I bought for my aunt Sarah about 10 years ago. It was called, "'Scuse Me While I Kiss This Guy, and Other Misheard Lyrics". It was stinkin' hilarious. There were a bunch in there that everyone, or at least I could relate to. My all time favorite is still the "Blinded by the light! Wrapped up like a douche, another roner in the night". Supposedly those are the wrong lyrics, but I'm not buying it.

You may wonder where the hell I'm going with this...

I have been noticing all the Christmas songs that are completely ruined by my father and husband, along with many others. I was just saying to my dad and Josh the other day that I was surprised by how FEW they had ruined for me. That got me thinking. Now I notice EVERY time one comes on the radio.

A few examples:

Walking in a Winter Wonderland..."Walking 'Round in Womens' Underwear" (Thanks to both dad and Josh)

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year...not so much a wording difference, but I always hear Devon's voice doing an accented version of the song.

I'll Be Home For Christmas..."I'll Be a Gnome For Christmas" (Credit to dad)

I can't think of any more at the moment, but I'm sure they'll come to me.

No Habla Ingles?

That's it! I'm never leaving the house again! The whole world is frantically shopping and I can't even get my stupid errands done!

I left the preschool at 12:30, went to Kohl's to get Josh a shirt for the Christmas party, went across the parking lot to Winco and then further down the parking lot to Jo-Ann's. This took me 3 freaking hours! Geez!

Winco was a nightmare. There were abandoned carts all over the place and we had to park in Egypt. I'm not kidding, it was in Cairo. It took us an hour and a half alone just to get some stupid groceries. On top of that, the lady in front of me in line didn't speak ANY English and the checker didn't speak ANY Spanish. She was trying to use her Oregon Trail card and the machine was malfunctioning. I was ready to scream.

On the upside...I'm done with my errands and have a hot cup of coffee on the table next to me. I'm staring at the beautifully lit tree and listening to K103 on the laptop. I appreciate a station that immediately switches to all Christmas songs as soon as December hits. In fact, I think they started before that. Fabulous.

I've sent my Christmas cards (except you, Kara. I need your address), decorated the house and am almost done with gift shopping. I get to sit back and enjoy this year! I plan to make a lot of cookies and eat even more. (not sure about the logistics of that one)